Family

I had such an intense weekend with my family

So alot is going on! I am very super close with my family on both sides. I have a very dear relationship with my grandpa and grandma Thompson. My grandpa has been the biggest supporter and inspirations for me when it comes to art.

There kids have most recently talked them in to moving out of there 3 story house. Which i think is very good but durning this process i find it very hard to watch how mean the kids get (aka my mother and aunts and uncles)

I also find it very interesting how my grandparents are. i saw a side of them i have honestly never seen before. More so my grandma then my papa!
I found out that my grandma thought my grandpas mom ruined her life that she has told my mom and my aunt that she resented having them. i amazed by the family history. How depression as been spread down from each person on my grandma side. That she ran away from home to go to nursing school. Just a very non grandma like person came out in the wood works.
She wanted to divorce my Papa.
she never did anything fun with the kids.
She has MASSIVE self image issues

Kinda makes you understand a little bit about who you are. You understand that your built a certain way cause its been passed down.

I found my grandpas class ring! 1950! How amazing is that? I also found my Grandmas wedding ring. I went up to my grandpa and asked how he proposed and he started crying. Hes such an amazing kind hearted man! I still didnt find out how he did it. I do know that he was working in JC pennys when he met Grandma and he was dressing a display and grandma came up and asked how much is that doggie in the window. A little rude but cute in its own way. through it all you see how INSANELY in love my grandpa is with my grandma. I wish i saw the same for her.

shes so bitter about so much in life.
i once wrote her when i was little to ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up. And i got a bitter reply simply saying that girls back then didnt get to choose what they wanted. They where forced to be nurses or teachers. I was forced to become a nurse. So i guess my question to my grandma if i ever got the nerve to ask her is there are so many woman out there who went beyond being forced and did something better. If you wanted out so badly why didnt you? If you regret so much why didnt you fix it?
Why are you so mean? she has such an amazing life and such an awesome story to sit and listen to. Why do you regret having 5 amazing children?
Mom said she never once wanted to be like her. And i turned to my mom and told her that i should tell Grandma thank you then cause she is one HELL of a mom and i wouldnt trade her for anything. I am very close to my mom and im glad my mom never had that connection with hers.. cause i think it would be really different for us.

This made me think alot. Ive been up in the air so long about school and about my life and where its going. Do i want to be like grandma? Do i want to regret what i never went and did because the way the world works its just not ment to be instead of finding the challenge in it all and just step out of my box?
Im amazed at how little faith i have for my self. I have done alot of things on my own! I have taken many trips where ive known one to none people. I went and i jumped for it. So why is school something im so scared to do?
I shaved my head im not some one that sits inside the box.
Im some one that trys to turn the box in to a a diamond
WHY AM I HOLDING MYSELF BACK??
This after noon i came home and i sat down at the computer. I took a pretest for th ACT which i would have to get 5 points higher to get to the Grand Valley State. I sucked!~ But i found out that my main issue is math! Easy! i just need to study every night whn i get home. I know i will be tired but i need to stop sitting on top of the box wait for it to turn in to something i need to grab my brush and make it my own~